Nicole Kidman’s thoughts about her own mortality sometimes keep her up at night.
The 57-year-old actress opened up in an interview with GQ published Monday about how she’s “open to emotions” and feels things deeper now more than ever.
“Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you,” she said. “And [the] loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human.”
“I’m in all of those places,” Kidman added. “So life is, whew. It’s definitely a journey.”
The “Big Little Lies” star continued, “And it hits you as you get older how … it’s a wake up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping kind of thing. If you’re in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I’m in it. Fully in it.”
Kidman shared more about her outlook on mortality while reflecting on her dad Antony Kidman’s death in 2014.
“There’s the mortality aspect of life which, when you start to deal with that, it’s very heavy,” she explained. “When you’re raising children you’re like, I gotta stay here. I wanna see all of this. It’s devastating and beautiful and extraordinary.”
Kidman is newly grieving the death of her mom, Janelle Ann Kidman, who passed away at age 84 in September.
The Oscar winner had to leave the Venice Film Festival early because of the family tragedy. Kidman was there to accept the Volpi Cup award for Best Actress for her role in her new film “Babygirl.”
Halina Reijn, the director of the film, accepted the award on Kidman’s behalf a read Kidman’s statement about her mom’s death.
“Today, I arrived in Venice to find out shortly after that my beautiful, brave mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, has just passed,” the statement said. “I’m in shock and I have to go to my family, but this award is for her. She shaped me, she guided me, and she made me.”
“I am beyond grateful that I get to say her name to all of you through Halina,” the statement continued. “The collision of life and art is heartbreaking, and my heart is broken.”
Kidman later opened up about losing her mom at the Los Angeles premiere of her show “Lioness” in October.
“I wish my mama was here,” she told The Hollywood Reporter on the red carpet. “That’d be the one thing I’d say. Everything is great with work but I wish my mama was here.”
Kidman herself is the proud mom of four kids. She shares daughters Sunday Rose, 16, and Faith Margaret, 13, with husband Keith Urban, and daughter Bella, 31, and son Connor, 29, with her ex-husband Tom Cruise.
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